Traditionalists are quick to give BMW flak for applying its full-bore M treatment to models that don't adhere to the go-fast formula set by the brand's most legendary driver's machines.…
Traditionalists are quick to give BMW flak for applying its full-bore M treatment to models that don’t adhere to the go-fast formula set by the brand’s most legendary driver’s machines. But BMW has stuck to historical precedent and refrained from creating full M versions of its largest, most luxurious models (namely, the 7-series) instead referring the high-performance work to its long-standing German tuning partner, Alpina. It was a given that BMW’s X7 full-size SUV would get the Alpina treatment, which is now available in the form of the 2022 Alpina XB7.
The 612-hp Alpina XB7 affords ridiculous levels of performance for a machine this massive. Regardless of what’s under its high hood, the 2022 BMW X7 has gobs of upscale content and high-tech features as well as an interior that’s as quiet as a library but both comfier and ritzier. As with previous Alpinas, the XB7’s performance is accented by a somewhat soft, luxurious character, one that suits a big SUV’s mission better than the snarling, hard-edged tune of an M car. Its opulent BMW interior is virtually unchanged versus lesser X7s, save for a few Alpina emblems, a revised instrument-cluster display, and a switch from paddle shifters on the back of the steering wheel to the tuner’s trademark shift buttons. Exterior changes amount to new bumpers, the rear incorporating four big exhaust pipes and the front featuring prominent ALPINA lettering on its lowermost section, which has the added benefit of lessening the visual heft of the X7’s oversized kidney grilles. The 36-decibel rumble of the XB7’s exhaust at rest is an indicator of its straight-line potential, but even at max thrust its deep V-8 growl measures a distant and refined 77 decibels, and with few of the shouty pops and crackles that can draw eyerolls from onlookers.
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